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  • Thanksgiving…


    2014 - 11.23

    Thanksgiving….Think how many Turkeys would be thankful for their lives if we decided not to end a life to feed our own on Thanksgiving day…or any day…There are so many things that feel good to do, feel great to taste…that may be destructive to our own life’s path…

    The death of another living being, someone that breathes…whose heart beats…who feels…who thinks…who suffers…who fears…who rejoices…each animal, fish, or fowl, who fiercely protects its young, who walks gently or exuberantly into life…who teaches us patience through their utter stillness… who understands living entirely in this moment…deserve to live their lives fully, without a human being passing a death sentence on them…taking their life force…their sacred energy…

    I offer my thanksgiving for the lessons these creatures teach me, human, or animal…for the love they show me… for the beauty of their existence…This of course is simply my opinion…But maybe if we truly valued life…all life…if this is what we taught our children…to not feed on the flesh of others…to not celebrate life, by the death and destruction of another being…physically or metaphysically…mentally, spiritually, or emotionally…then perhaps cruelty and murder would dissolve into a thing barely remembered…and then disappear altogether…for me…that would truly be a reason for Thanksgiving…

    I rant…I rave…


    2013 - 06.30

    deep in the mountain

    Sometimes I rant…Sometimes I rave… and sometimes…I…take…a…breath….

    Every day, we the American people, sit in our homes, our trailers, our motor homes, our cars, or our tents; perhaps we sit in cardboard boxes under the freeway. We eat, we drink, we go shopping in malls, post on our Facebook pages, go to the library, go dancing, watch videos while we eat popcorn, go to a bar, go to church, text on our i-phones, buy cars and houses we can’t afford, and play video games. We eat food that is killing us, loaded down with pesticides, herbicides, growth hormones, preservatives, additives, antibiotics, food coloring, genetically modified, and irradiated non-food ingredients.

    Food that does not nourish, but encourages obesity, the growth of cancer cells, mental illness, our kidneys to fail, our livers to atrophy, our hearts to stop, is not the only unpalatable crap we swallow every day. And just like the food that is killing us without our awareness, but with our consent, we allow ourselves to be duped into complacency, complicity and apathy. We allow the powerful to bully us, without calling it bullying, without calling it what it is, “being ruled”; but by calling it by the fantasy name that we have put upon our acquiescence of abdication of our own… personal… ethical… action; “governing”.

    We are lulled and duped into believing that all is well, that all will be well, that killing and torturing in the name of weapons of mass destruction and fear, because it is done in the name of democracy, releases us from what we all are at this moment in time; war criminals. We allow it to happen, we turn our youngsters into killing machines, on the streets of Iraq and Arabia, Chicago and New Jersey. We sell weapons and trade favors to the highest bidder, and then we wonder why we are hated as a nation.

    We turn our faces when we see children dying by violence that we have perpetuated as a nation, in Afghanistan, and then we allow the children we have sent to do the killing to come home, mentally tortured, homeless, and broken. We are appalled that a woman living in the Middle East can be stoned to death for having sex or for showing her face in public, that people living in China throw unvalued infant girls into rivers or dumpsters, and that African park rangers slaughter Elephants and Rhino’s simply for their tusks. Yet there are those in these United States that would make birth control for women illegal, that condone the massive slaughter of dogs and cats every day in animal “shelters” around our country, that allow chickens to be stored in cages so small their feet grow into the wire, and while they are still living, cruelly, cut their beaks off to stop the “pecking order”. We hate in the name of the Bible, and kill in the name morality.

    We discriminate, and subjugate, and allow cruelty and deprivation, and then we go to church, to synagogues, to temples, to the woods and praise Jesus, Allah, Jehovah, Yahweh and the Goddess. We are a country of contradictions…of dichotomies…of horrific cruelty and sometimes, unbearable kindness.

    I am guilty. I know that, because I do nothing. My life is not on the line to right the wrongs, the governmental and corporate abuses; the inhumanity. I know that the government of the United States that we see on the news is not the real government. It is not the behind the scenes political maneuvering, purchased by big business and industry, the wheeling and dealing of armchair warriors, moving the game pieces across the board, pumped up with the need for power, glory, and conquest. Born of greed and arrogance our elected officials are part of a club that most of us never are invited to, never want to be invited to, and if we are, if we choose to join the bureaucracy, with star spangled eyes, we start out full of ideals and end up horribly compromised.

    Our elected government daily passes laws and bills with last minute amendments that kill us; kill our families, our planet, our spirits, steal the inheritance of our children and suck the innocence from them to be left dry as bones turning to dust. We practice “an eye for an eye”, we torture and maim in the name of freedom, justice and Jesus. We allow the IRS to steal our money illegally, tax the poor till they are homeless and watch as the wealthiest among us purchase jet planes and nights in the South of France wearing shoes that cost as much as a teachers yearly salary, and ball gowns that cost as much as a years-worth of college tuition, with money saved from tax-shelters and deductions the rest of us can only dream of.

    In this land of $24,000 Gucci purses and $30,000 Brooks Brothers suits, I have held the hand of a senior adult sleeping in a card board box; dying from malnutrition. I do not deny that hard work should be rewarded, but also submit that equitable distribution should prevail.

    We walk with our collars turned up, our faces turned down, never making eye contact in case we are forced to be aware of the need and pain and utter desolation that travels across the faces of some of those who are on the journey with us…Of course there are those of us who risk a glance up, once in a while, and see beyond the protective bubble we surround ourselves with. We know there is despair, but we also know there is hope. We know there is injustice, but we also know there is healing. We know, but we feel impotent; not up to the task. So we bend our faces back down to watch our feet trudging onwards without connection.

    Do we continue to go blindly, not the few who are called extremist, left wing do-gooders, but the “us” the seething mass of humanity just trying to muddle through buying groceries, paying rent, catching up on our credit cards, paying our power bills, our tax liability, do we ignore the destruction of our planet? Do we allow the frackers and polluters, big industry and oil, inventors of death weapons and death drugs, both legal and illegal; including genetically modified food, the power junkies, the privileged few, who move us around like a game of pick-up-sticks, out of short sighted greed, take from us our basic human rights?  The right to breath clean air, to drink clean water, to eat safe nutritionally dense food, to live in shelter, to find safety in sleep, to raise our children to adult hood, to cradle our grandchildren in our arms, to live without fear of violence and rape; the rape of our planet, the rape of our souls, the taking by force, that which is not theirs to take, those thieves of humanity.

    Do we continue to allow those who cannot afford health care or health insurance to die because they lack financial resources? Are we out of touch, out of caring, out to lunch? While our moms and dads, our children, our siblings, our neighbors, gasp their last breath, lives that could be saved, if only they could afford the cost of the treatment, the cost of the bill, the cost of the forced insurance to providers who are not healers, but money changers. When does the cost become too great? When do we err on the side of humanity? When do we stand up with our knees knocking, breathing in as much courage as it takes to rise up and say in united voices; ENOUGH!

    When will we hold our elected criminals accountable for dragging us through power struggles we have not agreed to support? Why is it we simply comply with the dictates of our governmental ruler’s whims? When will the lives of all of those sharing this planet earth; the humans, the animals, the plants, the water, the rocks, become more important than our own human need for validation of our superiority? When do arrogance, cruelty, and ego take a back seat to compassion and love? When will humility, kindness, and gentleness be the measure of life’s successes, instead of wealth, material gain, and power?

    I do not have these answers. I only have the questions. But I do know that every day that we allow anger and hatred, bitterness and resentment, envy and greed, to rule our hearts, to define our actions, to create excuses for our global behaviors, than the world becomes a harsher place, we will continue to be broken, and hope is as futile as pissing in the ocean.

    One voice…that is all each of us have, one lonely voice singing an isolated melody. But when we unite our voices together we create a choir that has interwoven strands of harmony and color, strength, intensity, and grace. We create a song of life.

    There are glimpses of hope. Black Women, wearing white, sitting in protest, blocking violent and cruel African War Lords with the only weapon of Peace they have; their words and their fragile human bodies…Children on a playground encouraging a youngster with cerebral palsy to finish a long run; running along with him chanting, “Go Mattie Go” cheering him on and hugging him as he crosses the finish line… A young homeless man wrapping his only blanket around an elderly homeless man, “he needs it more than me”… A brave young girl standing up to dangerous terrorists in Iraq, speaking out to champion the cause of education for girls in the Middle East, a bullet shot into her brain, and yet today, still inspires us with her bravery… The woman risking her life to rescue a dog in the middle of a hurricane, sheer will power pushing her against the wind… and the thousands of people who join together one day each year all over the world; Japan, Serbia, Holland, Germany, India, Pakistan, Israel, the United States…to give total strangers a free hug for peace…70 of our neighbors and volunteer fire fighters who risked their own health to stop a racing forest fire, 250 feet before it could reach our home…Glimpses of hope that remind us why we chose this assignment, why we put on suits of bone and skin, breath and vision; hearts that pound with radical compassion, with unerring grace. Hero’s simply because we are, just by being. Blessing the universe…

    Today, I join my voice with those who seek to light the world with goodness, to not be bogged down with uncertainty. Today, I exercise my ability and gift to choose. I choose to be involved. Today, I will give away a part of me, the heart of me, that which is connected to the best of humanity. Today, I remind myself to breathe…in…breathe…out…Today; because I make this choice the vibration of this planet has been raised. Today, if we join our voices, our choices, if we honor one another, all life that lives on this living breathing organism we call our Mother Earth, if we find common ground, if we respectfully engage, not only do we create a world where evolution brings fierce joy, but through this creation we nullify those energies that destroy, that break down, that corrupt.

    When Love walks into the room, fear must leave. When Light walks into the room, darkness is banished. When Spirit arrives, ego must flee. When we are brave enough or fed up enough to finally peer out from underneath our collars we will finally understand that by looking through eyes of love that which we see in the child, the woman, the man who is walking beside us…. is simply the face of God… looking back…

    Behold The Man


    2012 - 12.10

    This post was written by Beverly’s husband, Ken.

    I recently traveled from New Mexico to Seattle for business and this time I drove versus flying. As always I have some favorite play lists compiled on my iPhone to keep myself entertained. My listening tastes span a wide range of genres from Symphonic Metal (Within Temptation) to County (Trace Atkins, Gretchen Wilson, Terri Clark) to 80’s pop (Prince) to alternative (Beverly Graham). Depending on my mood I’ll start with any one of these, switching play lists as the mood shifts.

    On this particular trip I had difficulty settling on any particular list. I’d start one, quickly tire of it and switch to another. Then I realized why; I needed to listen to Beverly’s full catalog. A couple of taps on the iPhone later and I had what I needed. As I have lived through most of these songs as either a listener or actual participant in the content, each has some special meaning to me.

    Although I do not consider myself a religious person, I have participated in sufficient religious ceremony to understand what is for me, enough. I do however have a significant spiritual connection to most things in my life, even though I keep much of it to myself. If you have ever pondered what it may have been like to in some way experience the crucifixion of Christ, the songs linked at the end of this post will probably be the closest you will ever get.

    “Behold The Man” is a deeply emotional account of this event through the eyes of the song’s author. Normally I can (and do) only listen to this song once or twice a year. That is about all my emotional foundation can take. The entire album is filled with great material but this is the one song I must skip frequently. Find some time, you’ll need about six minutes, where you can listen to these two songs uninterrupted. Dim the lights and use some headphones or quality speakers. “Behold The Man” will take you on a journey that taxes your emotions and seemingly leaves you in a mess and wondering what to do next. But then, “Rise Again” will follow and gently bring you back to a normal, heathy state of mind and all will be well again. But you will have a new, or possibly renewed sense of understanding of what you have just experienced. Enjoy!!

    Click the link below to listen;

    Behold The Man – Rise Again

    New Years Resolution


    2011 - 12.31

    A week ago on Christmas Eve, Ken and I were walking with Ava, our 3 year old granddaughter through the Plaza in Santa Fe, NM. The Plaza is in the old part of town and there are hundreds of specialty shops all through the streets and buildings. It is not shopping for the faint at heart because the prices are quite lofty. Mostly we were window shopping and looking for a toy store. I stopped in one store to ask the price of a belt with a silver buckle; $575…and right outside the door, standing on the street in 25 degree weather, playing an old wooden flute was an old man with long silver hair. He was Native American, and he stood without a jacket playing his flute for the quarters and dollars people tossed into his case. All that affluence surrounding him, shoppers dropping thousands of dollars on jewelry and wall hangings, pottery, clothes, furs, and toys, and then walked past the old man and either ignored him all together, or tossed pennies into his case. No one spoke to him. No one looked at him. He was invisible. I watched him for a long time… and he has lived in my heart since.

    That night people filled the cathedral and sang “Peace on Earth, Good Will to All”, celebrating the birth of a small child born to people who were homeless wanderers. People who would not have been able to afford a $575 belt buckle.  I wonder if we would pass them by, or stop and throw a couple of quarters without speaking to them. I wonder if they too, would be invisible.

    The most celebrated individual in the whole entire historical world was not a king, was not wealthy, had no power, no belongings, and no money. Yet the life of this child, born to paupers; Jeshua Ben Josef, who was Jesus, who is the Christ, has impacted an entire planet. Sometimes we remember from the inside what all this is supposed to mean, but mostly we pay attention to the outside, to the hustle and bustle, to Face Book, Twitter, our I Pads, cell phones, texting, email, to reality TV, Sports, Game Shows, Judge Judy, America’s got Talent; too busy, too important, too arrogant, too involved with our own selves and uninvolved with the feelings of those who sit on this green planet with us. Maybe it is because there are so many of us. Maybe it is because even if we are aware and we want to help, we feel impotent.

    What can we do? There is so much pain, how can we change any if it? It is easier to walk past, eyes straight ahead, than to confront it and see ourselves reflected in the eyes of those who stand in need. Not because we are callous and cold and unfeeling, but because we are fearful and we don’t want to show it.

    What if, just for a moment, we stop and look into the eyes of that old man standing in the cold with no coat, playing an old wooden flute, hoping that someone will notice that he is alive and breathing and in need? What if, instead of passing him by, we stop and embrace him? What if, when we sing, “Peace on Earth, Good Will to All” we really mean it? And we take off our coats and wrap it around that old man. What if, by our actions, he learns that he has value and that he is loved? What if this is the true meaning of peace?

    This is my New Years Resolution…To never pass by another being, human or animal, who is reaching out for help… never again… But how will I know that they need something?  I will just ask…

    2012 here you are.

    What if…


    2011 - 05.22

    It seems the world did not end yesterday, May 21st, as it seems it was going to…

    When we are born we shoot naked and squealing through the womb. We cry when we are hungry, and someone feeds us. We cry when we are cold and someone wraps us in a blanket. We cry when are wet and someone changes us. We cry when we are lonely, and someone picks us up. Even though we cannot speak, we communicate our needs and someone understands us.

    As we grow we observe and learn communication techniques. We aren’t aware of this, but it is happening with every word we hear, every look we see, every gesture we witness; our little brains are firing and picking up how we will relate to the world.

    When we become adults somehow we believe that everyone we meet and interact with, should and will know just how to communicate with us. They should know how we expect and want to be treated, shouldn’t they?

    But do we know how to treat others? Do we know how to listen? Do we see what others need from us when we speak to them?

    None of us know when we go to work, go to a party, go to church or the grocery store, how those we meet along the way have learned their communication skills. We don’t know if they were cuddled and loved, listened to, read to, consistently praised, gently reprimanded, or if they were tormented by an older sibling, saw a neighbor kick a dog, cursed by a mother, listened to constant bickering of their parents, watched a father hit a mother, ridiculed by a teacher, tormented by their playmates. We don’t know what joys and pains arrive with others as they enter into adulthood.

    But what if we tried? What if, when someone is rude, or angry, or spiteful, we listen with something other than our ears, our pride, our arrogance and our need to be right? What if, instead of reacting with indignant resentment, we could see the small child, scared and confused; a child that needs comforting and reassurance? What if we had the opportunity to reach backward and heal that child of their pain? What if, instead of lashing out in anger, we reach out with care?

    What if we could spare someone embarrassment or shame by backing down, backing off? What if one of the lessons we are all taught, instead of competition and winning, is how to gracefully turn the other cheek; to change the energy, diffuse the anger…

    What if we were all taught the art of forgiveness; for others and ourselves? What if, when we say we forgive, we truly do? What if we take the broken pieces of humanity, and piece by piece, we knit them back together like a broken bone that becomes whole again?

    What if we could see the world as it was meant to be; without greed and hatred, cruelty and toxic emotions and waste. And when we finally understand, what if we then, throw down the words we wield as weapons, and allow love to be our armor and truth to be the shield?

    Maybe, this is what is meant by “the end of the world is coming”… The end of the world as we know it might not be a bad or scary thing. What if it is the beginning of grace?

    Dickiebird…


    2011 - 05.20

    Dickie Bird

    Twenty five years ago I bought a young cockatiel. I wanted a parrot or a cockatoo but thought I had better start small to see if I could keep a bird alive. I named him Dickie Bird after my father Richard Graham. When Dad was young his nickname was “Dickiebird”.  My dad was a bit of a hellion and so this name fitted this rascally cockatiel as he was also a bit self willed; not at all like the sweet little cockatiels you have seen riding around on shoulders in pet shops. Dickie’s propensity to biting fingers, taking out whole chunks, contributed to his infamy.

    Every morning Dickie’s cheerful songs welcomed in the new day and his repertoire after 25 years was extensive. He was inquisitive and funny and full of life. He welcomed all of our guests and was frequently the center of attention.

    Dickie survived four major moves and myriad comings and goings of other animal friends. He sang at the top of his lungs through every band rehearsal, and competed with me when I met with clients to help them choose music for an event. He loved his big cage, his toys, and his organic food.

    A few weeks ago Dickie began feeling his age. He became a little crabby and slept a little longer. He only wanted certain foods and snoozed through his morning songs. When someone is with you for 25 years, they are a part of your life, your breath, your love.

    Dickiebird died in my arms this morning as we sat in the New Mexico sunshine together. I let him bite me without complaint because I knew it would be the last time. After taking two healthy chunks from my finger because I wasn’t holding him exactly the way he wanted to be held, his little brave heart just gave out. A bit of light has left my life today.

    Thank you for all the years of joy you gave me, Dickiebird. Fly free, my little friend.

    Naïveté…


    2011 - 01.13

    There was an old guy around 82ish that we called the “Rev”. He had a long beard, gnarled hands, walked with a bit of a hunch, and always carried a bible. Sometimes he preached fire and brimstone. Everyone in the line was very tolerant of his outbursts. For several years, every day, he walked up the hill and a couple of blocks from the Morrison and stood in line for a lunch. He always asked for 7 lunches and told us he was taking them to the “old guys” down at the shelter because they couldn’t make it up the hill. So every day I gave him seven lunches…

    One day of the guys in line said to me, “Queen B (by this time my nickname had changed) do you know what that old man does with those lunches?” I told him I did know. That he took the lunches to the “older than 80 men” that could not make it to the meal site. He started hooting and laughing and everyone that could hear were shaking their heads and grinning at me…I stood there waiting for his laughter to subside so he could fill me in on the joke. When he finally contained himself he said, “That old man doesn’t give the lunches to them… he sells the lunches to them; for $3 each!!!

    Hmmm…  7 x 3…$21 dollars a day. The “Rev” was an entrepreneur!

    Margaret


    2011 - 01.12

    One day I was parked on the corner of Occidental across from  the park. It was a much different park in the early 90’s. At that time the benches were removed so that those who were homeless couldn’t sit or sleep. If they did they were sited and taken into custody for loitering. The City wanted to keep the park safe for “legitimate” residents. I guess you have to dress or smell a certain way to be “legitimate”.

    I stepped out of my van and was surrounded by several hundred people who I asked to stand in a line so I didn’t get confused. They always humored me. As I began handing out the meals a very large woman pushed her way through the lines screaming at people to “get out of her way”. People did get out of her way because her oncoming energy was disruptive and because they were fearful of her. Her name was Margaret. She weighed about 400 lbs. She wore no shoes, even in winter, because her feet were so wide, shoes did not fit on her feet. She had oozing sores on her legs and she was angry. When she shoved her way to the front of the line I thought “holy crap, she’s going to kill me”. She screamed at me that I was a “stupid white bitch”…even though she was as lily white as me… She told me she needed more food than the “rest of them” so I gave her a lot of food, filled a black garbage bag, and sent her on her way with a promise that I would be back with things I thought she might need. She scared the be-jeezus out of me. She was 8 inches taller than me and outweighed me by 300 lbs. My heart was pounding after she left. Even the big guys were wary. One said to me, “Lunch Lady, that’s trouble with a capital T!”

    I started bringing Margaret vitamins, salve for her legs, and food that was safe for diabetics. I was sure Margaret had diabetes as well as being bi-polar and manic. Some days she was lucid and some days she was rabid, but she never was late to a meal. At the beginning of the month she could afford her meds so she was relatively calm and amiable, but, by the end of the month she was angry and rude and mean; Jekyll and Hyde…

    On the day that Ken Schram drove onto Occidental to thwart the authorities and lend his considerable public influence in my favor, Margaret was enamored. She approached me, shyly for her, after he left and asked if I could get her a picture of him because she was such a fan. I called Ken up and asked him to sign a picture for Margaret. He signed it, “to Margaret…Much Love, Ken Schram…” Margaret was over the moon. She had tears in her eyes that she roughly brushed away when I handed her the picture. I know that it became her most prized possession and she told people that she and Ken were “good friends”.

    I do not think that anyone ever loved Margaret for all of her life. No one ever made her feel special or cared for. She was utterly alone. She was full of pain and self hatred. She took it out on the world. Sometimes, when she let me, I would stand and talk with her. She was like a wary animal, always waiting for the net to fall. She told me things that had happened to her as a young girl that made me want to tear my hair and crucify the people that had abused her. I wanted to take away her pain, but I didn’t know how to reach her, or what she needed, so I just kept bringing her special foods, treats, big slippers for her feet, queen size clothing, vitamins and water. I wanted her to feel, that by my actions, I loved her. One day Margaret didn’t show up and I never saw her again…

    Jym


    2011 - 01.11

    When we are children we are taught to hold hands when crossing the street, not to eat paste, to share our toys, and to play nice. As we grow we are often taught to stop sharing, to eat anything we want, even it is bad for us, and play any way we want as long as we win at any cost. It is no wonder that we grow up confused how to be true humans…

    My friend Jym Greene was a veteran of the first Gulf Coast war in 1990. He was a Navy Seal and had Gulf War and post traumatic syndrome when he was discharged. He had been chemically injured and when he came home he received no help and became homeless. He was often depressed. He began volunteering with OSL when he was 34.

    Every day Jym waited for me to arrive. He always brought a group of his friends and they would take over; setting the food up, getting out cups and plastic cutlery. The people on the street respected him. He was kind and gentle. He was also a genius. He could do anything on a computer and was a proficient hacker. He gave classes at the Library to other homeless people and showed them how to set up email accounts and access information on line. He wrote articles for the “Real Change” newspaper; a paper that supports and advocates for the homeless in Seattle; www.realchangenews.org. He looked like a big Teddy Bear and he walked the streets of Seattle carrying his back pack full of 100 pounds of books.

    Jym slept on the bus. He took the bus to the end of the route, woke up, got on another bus and took it to the end of the route. He never got a full night’s sleep. He wouldn’t stay at a shelter because of the pesticides they use. He told me that the pesticides made people very ill. His older brother Don was also homeless. Jym took care of Don. Jym never had an unkind word to say about anybody and everyone loved him. He spent most of his time doing research in the library but he never missed volunteering for a meal. He was always there to help. He had a hard time finding shoes because he wore a size 15. Once I bought him a pair of size 15 Nike Sneakers. The joy on his face made them seem like a $1000 pair of Italian Leather shoes. The gift of his smile is still carried in my heart.

    One night, about one in the morning, I was working on a grant and an email came in. It was from Jym’s brother Don. It said simply, “Jym’s Dead”.

    The next morning I called the Seattle coroner and found out that Jym had died at the age of 36 of a heart attack carrying his heavy satchel of books up a steep Seattle hill. I asked if they would release his body to me as Jym was homeless and that we would see to his burial. They told me that his family had already had him cremated. I was shocked! I had no idea that Jym and Don had family in the area. The coroner gave me a phone number. I called and spoke to one of Jym’s family members. I asked when Jym’s funeral was. They seemed surprised and said to me “Funeral? There is no funeral. Jym was a bum”. They were ashamed of him. I could not believe my ears. I was stunned for a moment. I was speechless. But then a burning began in me.

    “Jym was not a bum” I told them. “He was homeless, but he was not a bum. Jym was a giver to life. He gave to people who needed him. He didn’t care about money or belongings. He only wanted to give to those who were unhappy, unhealthy, and despondent. If you won’t give him a service, we will”.

    And so we planned a memorial service for Jym. We held it at the Veteran’s Memorial Wall. I did the music, OSL put on a meal, and hundreds of people, some homeless, some not, came in memory, honor, and celebration of Jym’s life. We invited his family members and had an open mic where people could talk about Jym and what he meant to them. Person after person spoke about Jym’s kindness and consideration, about his selflessness, and how he encouraged positive life changes. Jym’s family learned that Jym was not “just a bum”, but a valued human being; worthy of love, respect, and admiration. They sat and listened while all those Jym had helped spoke about him with love and honored his life. Jym did not value money, or clothes, or belongings; he valued people, and even in his pain and damage, he was a giver to life. Jym was my beloved friend. He owned nothing, but he had everything. Jym taught me humility. He was a true human. I miss him…

    let your heart break…


    2011 - 01.10

    Every day I tried to have at least 400 lunches to hand out. It usually took me about 5 hours to put the meals together and a half of an hour to hand them out. I always took extra food just in case someone came up after all the full lunch bags were gone. One day I simply ran out of food. I turned and looked and there were still a least 100 people in what felt like a never ending line. I was all of a sudden overwhelmed and distraught. I put my head down for a moment and then, embarrassingly, burst into tears. Not quiet running down your face silent tears, but heart wrenching, noisy sobs. I couldn’t stop. It was too much. The grief, the hunger, and the courage it took every day for many of them just to breathe. And I failed them… I let them down…

    All of a sudden I was surrounded by the people. They were saying, “who hurt you lunch lady”…” tell us who hurt you”…Their care of me and concern for me made me cry even harder. Finally I choked out that no one had hurt me…that I had run out of food. I blubbered that I was sorry I let them down. And then arms went around me, and people were patting my back, squeezing my shoulders and saying “you didn’t let us down”, and “we love you lunch lady” and “you just can’t feed the whole world”… and I was surrounded in a cocoon of grace. That was the day my heart broke…wide open.